At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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