I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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