just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
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The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
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I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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