Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
