She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
