Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
