Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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