I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
