Apparently you make a good broom.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My life is pants optional.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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