I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
