I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
