Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
