Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
