I'm eating all of the evidence.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
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When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
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Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize