When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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