I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize