"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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