Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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