I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
