Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
