I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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