Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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