I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
