everyone is single if you try hard enough
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
