I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
