U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
