its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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