If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
