If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
