shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
