im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
