I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
