So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize