Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
