my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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