I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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