i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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