Capitaan dildo arrescate!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
