ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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