I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
