At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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