Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
