I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
