My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
so much tequila, so little girl.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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