You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
