words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
