Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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