I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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