I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she told me i tasted like america
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
