it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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