I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
