I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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