she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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