get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
