You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
