When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
