There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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