people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
