I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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