My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
