If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
