doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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