she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
