This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
high people should be assigned attendants
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
