my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I want to be your penis for a week.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
