I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
