I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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