I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
