I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I need a beard to bite.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
