I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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