Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
