careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
