No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
